Things came together today.
I made a phone call I had known I would have to make, but making it made me nervous. Then the time was suddenly ripe, I made the call and everything is good.
For those of who believe this sort of thing I spent the morning in prayer, but it was not an isolated thing. I have been weeks, months (though I didn't know it, it seems, years) building up to this.
It all sounds a little melodramatic, maybe, but sometimes things are. Wouldn't life be dull otherwise?
I have always liked the concept of "Waiting on the Lord". This is the idea that we wait to see God working his purposes out in our lives in his perfect timing. I sometimes read others refer to a similar notion in terms of the universe answering.
At the beginning of the year, I chose a word for myself: Intentionality. It seems strange, perhaps, that having chosen to live more "intentionally" this year, I should at the half way point, declare a breakthrough after "waiting on" something outside of myself.
But need these two things be contrary to one another, or might they not sit side by side?
I have been intentional this year, choosing deliberately as the choices arise, taking action to keep things moving forward, taking responsibility for the decisions I make.
But at the same time I have been waiting. I have let things take the time they have needed to blossom into what they could - or indeed must - be. And I have shown myself the same generosity. I have moved forward, but not pushed beyond what has felt right. I have known I have been taking a journey, but have not felt hurried (nearly desperate sometimes, but still not hurried) to reach my destination.
And this has been liberating. And beautiful (even in the angst).
And today I got somewhere. At the right time.
Have you experienced this in your life? This dance of moving and waiting rewarded with the joy of the right time?
If you have I'd love to hear. If not, maybe practice it for the next step in your own journey.
I think this has been the longest period I have had away from my blog since I began it and I apologise for my absence. That said I don't want to get into the habit of beginning blog posts with apologies and excuses.
I have been in overwhelm of late, a continuation of my personal drama that prompted the poem of my last post. Blogging has been a refuge for me over recent months, but sometimes we need to step outside our sanctuary and deal with our challenges head on. That's what I've been doing.
(You know, just writing that last paragraph, it suddenly feels so good to be back!)
Over at 21 Secrets Tamara LaPorte's lesson on Collage, Paint and Soul (now also available as an individual course by Tam if you're not part of 21 Secrets) demonstrates how to paint over a collaged image to transform it into something original and new.
That is what I hope I am doing in my life: transforming into something wonderful.
This is what it looked like on paper:
The words on the side read: You are a Jewel of Creation
The words on her neck read: Don't forget to sparkle.
In the original painting the jewels of her necklace do sparkle.
It is to remind me of how I am made and therefore what I can be.
I hope you know these things about yourself too.
As you may have noticed I have recently updated my profile photo - I am now no longer a doll but a real person! My 11 year old daughter took the photo of me while I was painting. (I'm keeping my doll photo up too, though, because she is still my presence on several other sites and I like her).
On a similar theme, Violette Clark has been leading us through some shadow work in the 21 Secrets art journaling workshop, allowing us to explore and express both our public face and our shadow side.
My public face is naturally pleasant and light. The words I associated with my public persona included calm, good, caring and teacher. She is on a pedestal (Violette's suggestion, but I felt very fitting - I have spent a lot of time up there).
Next comes the darker version, the side not seen. I found it liberating to reveal her over a background of writing about who she really is. And you know, she's not so bad really!
As well as benefitting from the emotional exercise and producing two different faces (the shadow was done straight onto the page with no initial sketch which was scary to do, but successful!), I also enjoyed pushing myself a little with the mixed media backgrounds of colours, textures and texts.